the ideal 2013 pitchfork music festival lineup (according to me)


listen, i need to distract myself. tonight is the opening night for ‘glengarry glen ross’ at round house theatre, so i’m writing this deplorable, fruitless, and indulgent post you are currently reading. but i’m distracted, so mission accomplished.

in 2005 natalia and i attended (shortly after we started dating) the 1st pitchfork music festival at union park in chicago (technically this event was called the intonation festival, but it was basically what became the pitchfork music festival). while we had fun seeing andrew bird, a. c. newman, broken social scene, les savy fav, deerhoof, and others, as with any music festival the line up wasn’t filled with an entire collection of favorites.

we’re going again this year 2013, 8 years later. we’re older, perhaps wiser, we’ve had many experiences, our tastes have changed in some ways, remained similar in others, we’re happily married now, very much in love, so in honor of all that we offer up to pitchfork an ideal lineup for this year’s festival. (to be honest, natalia has nothing to do with this post, she’s at work, being a grown-up. i’m still in my pajamas and tonight she’ll watch me onstage pretending to be a grown-up)

so here goes, enjoy!

note 1: bjork, belle and sebastian, and r. kelly have already been confirmed, so i’m not making those up
note 2: trying to keep this somewhat within the realm of “actually possible” so don’t expect to see the beatles headlining the 1st night followed by franz liszt the 2nd night. although this is mostly a list of headliners who probably wouldn’t agree to appear like this, i’m attempting to be somewhat reasonable.
note 3: nothing about this lineup makes artistic sense it’s just who i’d like to hear, so don’t over-think it. i’m talking to you hipster music snobs who stumbled upon this!

friday – gates open at 3 pm.
4 pm – chromatics
4:45 pm – ty segall
5:30 pm – bat for lashes
6:15 pm – grizzly bear
7:15 pm – blackstar (come on, mos def/talib kweli, you know you want to!)
8:15 pm – my bloody valentine
9:15 pm – bjork

saturday – gates open at 12 pm
1 pm – marissa nadler
1:45 pm – foxygen
2:30 pm – crystal castles
3:15 pm – st. vincent
4:00 pm – sharon van etten
4:45 pm – beach house
5:30 pm – flying lotus
6:15 pm – andrew bird
7:00 pm – kendrick lamar
8:00 pm – joanna newsom
9:00 pm – belle and sebastian

note 3: we’re not going to the 3rd day that r. kelly is headlining (ergo, this day ideally would get a ridiculously awful lineup)
note 4: nothing against r. kelly’s music, just want a day in chicago not at a festival, so sorry to include him by default.

sunday – gates open at 12 pm (if i went to this, i’d have to be institutionalized afterwards)
1 pm – hall and oates
1:45 pm – animal collective unplugged
2:30 pm – sugar ray
3:15 pm – nickelback
4:00 pm – bon iver’s electronica odyssey
4:45 pm – vanilla ice
5:30 pm – jefferson starship
6:15 pm – open mic – battle of the korn cover bands
7:00 pm – david hasselhoff
8:00 pm – mumford & sons
9:00 pm – r. kelly

i hope you’re listening pitchfork! get to work!


2 thoughts on “the ideal 2013 pitchfork music festival lineup (according to me)

    • i think i may have gone too far with that imaginary 3rd day. even writing it out is still hurting my ears but more importantly my feelings. really anxious to find out what the lineup will actually be though, and hoping i don’t miss anything too stellar on the sunday.

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